WEILEE(:

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

I still can't believe you have the cheek to tell papa that sometimes i don't help you with your work, that i always reply you with a 'I don't know.'

I know this year is very critical for you. That is why i don't mind spending however long to teach you and in the end stay up till past midnight to complete my work. Whenever you ask me for help, i'll either help you instantly; or at most ask you to skip that question while i go back to you in a while. Yes, sometimes i tell you that i dont know. But that's only when i really dont know. That has never been my excuse to not help you. If i really dont wanna help you, i'd tell you straight in the face, rather than simply saying 'I dont know'. If i seriously dont know the answer/solution to that question, you'll go complaining, saying that i dont want to help you, that i want you to fail your PSLE. Damn it. Many times, upon hearing you say that, i ignore you, because i have no time to argue with you. I dont have time to waste; and it's not that you do, too.

Reflect upon yourself. You should be thankful that someone's here to help you, to assist you, as much as possible. Last year as i was preparing for PSLE, i handled everything myself. No matter what distractions there were at home, i would endure and try my very best to study in whatever environment. I solved questions myself; i dont usually ask for help as frequently as you do. I was coping everything myself, without help elsewhere. Now here i am, teaching you, trying my very best to help you get into Catholic High School, as you've been aiming for, yet, you claim that i'm not helping you. I dont mind you not understanding my heavy workload here, but i seriously MIND you telling my dad that sometimes i dont help you. My dear boy, i'm already having problems trying to cope now. I only have a freaking 3.4 as my GPA. Though it's already above average, it's still lower than many of the rest. I'm currently trying to catch up, to achieve much more for my EOYs. I'm feeling very stressed up. Besides the 6 subjects in school, i still have an additional Japanese and also, piano. I have my piano exam at the end of this year, and i started late, so i have to work on my theory as well. With that, i'm horribly (more than) thrice as stressed as you are.

Your oral is approaching, so i spend about half an hour to help you with your oral. In other words, i have to take away half an hour of my sleep to 'compensate' as i've used half an hour to help you and have to catch up with my own work. Each day, i only have about 6 hours of sleep. What does the HPB says? At least 8 hours of sleep. My school hours are longer than yours. My workload is awfully heavier than yours. Yet, you still have so much to complain - that i'm not helping you.

I seriously am very worried for you. I really want you to leave ZPS without regrets, without blaming yourself for not studying hard enough. I want you to leave ZPS with a sense of triumph, knowing that your efforts have not paid off, feeling as excited as i was last year. I want you to step into the battlefield with confidence, and leave it with glory. But you dont seem to be helping yourself. You read a question, and without thinking, come and ask me for help. If you arent helping yourself, so i guess i wont bother to help you as well.

I really feel indignant for myself. I'm already trying my best to help you improve and score good grades. But this is what i get? Once again, im much busier than you are. But i still take time to teach you and help you as far as i can. I hope you'll change that freaking attitude of yours. Or you wont go far.

And i hope you're reading this.
I hope you'll repent.
I hope you'll not be so ungrateful.
I hope you'll get into a prestigious school and be somebody, not nobody.
I hope you'll not be so childish.
I hope you'll change for the better..

And i shant waste my time lamenting anymore. It doesnt help, does it?

Im so gonna call Bridget, my BFF, my confidante, my girlfriend, my sister, my ahlian, because i'm sure she can cheer me up. Yeah, Bridget? :D

2:32 AM